I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize