woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
