pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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