yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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