worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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