do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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