Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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