You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
