i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize