I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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