you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
