at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
