Why are handjobs necessary in class?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
