farters have to be the big spoon...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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