I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
