im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
