can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
