I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
