so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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