on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
