Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize