Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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