My liver just broke up with me...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Semen is not good for contacts.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize