Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
