Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
