It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize