Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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