For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
