My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
