Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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