I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize