She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
