Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
