Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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