Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
