I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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