She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize