well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
