Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
