My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
