he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
