I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
