he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Watching her eat just hurts me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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