Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
