I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
