I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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