the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
