just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
