Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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