Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize