Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
