your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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