whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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