maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
