Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
