I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
