it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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