The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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