I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my being single is dangerous.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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