oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
