Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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