Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
