Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
