Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
