new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
