the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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