His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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