Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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