I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
