Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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