Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
