Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
