I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why do cheetos always look like penises
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
