I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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