when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
