i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
