Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
