I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
