Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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