I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
