Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can I color on your dick again?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
