it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
