Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
