My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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