I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
