The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
