Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
