Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
