she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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