just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
