there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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