Do you still have your period?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
