I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
