after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
