sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
