Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
