I puked a lego.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
